The Egg

The Journey Begins

May 31, 2018 /

My blue Subaru spins in an icy, Indiana intersection.  My mother and I are not breathing. Hours later, I wake in the ICU. My arm paralyzed, and Mom is just gone.

Police determine I ran the stop sign, and I believe it.

I fold myself inward, unable to face either loss. I strap my arm to my chest, and do it. Mustering the fight, I gather bones and muscles. I tighten my core, and do it. Creased forehead. Locked jaw. I do it.

I attend my mother’s funeral, and return to school. Five months later, I spend the summer finishing my work at NASA. I graduate from Purdue University as a member of Sigma Gamma Tau (ΣΓΤ), the national Aerospace Engineering honor society. Accepting a job offer with Lockheed Martin, I move a thousand miles from everything I know.

Guilt, fear and pain eclipse the life inside. I bury the tiny seed, planted by my mother, deep under the pain. Hiding a thousand miles away, I doubt my ability to love or be loved.

abstract-art-artistic-290617 (2)Photo by Kaique Rocha from Pexels

As you can see, this is a deeply personal story, but I believe the more personal, the more universal and communally rich it becomes. You may progress through many emotions as you walk alongside me, waking up the demons within. I challenge you to face them.

Trauma unravels our true being, affecting our ability to create and embody the glory of God.

It’s experienced and hard to squeeze into the straightjacket of verbal expression. It is visceral, requiring non-verbal cues. It begs performance and repeated telling to heal.

Trauma takes us to the very limits of language, where we cross into the threshold of silence.

These eleven flying lessons give a voice to the suffering, and a road map for those who want to love them well when there’s nothing to do. We are not alone. Support comes in many forms, and we will unpack each one.

This journey is divided into four parts: the egg, the eaglet, the fledgling and the eagle.

So strap in, and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times.

The Flying Lessons

For the suffering and for those who want to love them well when there is nothing to do.

The Egg
Surrounded by a protective shell, a new life develops until it can survive on its own.

Sometimes it’s okay to step outside your skin.
Be willing to walk through hell.

The Eaglet
Perched high above the reach of predators, an eagle’s nest is a massive 8-foot deep platform.

Find choice souls to hold it. Dogs work.
Be present in your skin.
Feel the triumph no matter how small.

The Fledgling
The vulnerable state between eaglet and eagle. The feathers and wing muscles sustain flight, yet the fledgling depends on parental care.

Be honest with God.
Feel the pain no matter how big.
Trust yourself.

The Eagle
Soaring on the prevailing currents, an eagle uses the pressure of air to produce flight.

Sometimes it doesn’t change. That’s okay.
Really live, now.
Breathe as deeply as you can, today.

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